the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
