aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
