who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dignity is for republicans.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
