marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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