god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
now i know why i became what i already was.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
