is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
