Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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