Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
