I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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