i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
