it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
