I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
