High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You dont lie about slip and slides
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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