These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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