i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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