I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
my liver is dry heaving
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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