My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
