I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
