ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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