you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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