Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
