The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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