She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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