I think i peed on brittanys purse
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
