The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
