So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
