I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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