drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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