dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
