apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
