You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
