Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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