Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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