he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My bed smells like the plague
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
