So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
