Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
