Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
