Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
