Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
