i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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