dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
