that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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