I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
