She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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