If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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