so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
