I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
