That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
