Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
