i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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