I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have fence marks all over my body
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
