Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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