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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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