i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
