I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
